Working to Survive

Reading my journal from just over a year ago and came across this personal eye opener. Here's a perfect example of my life. Today I feel horrendous, stomach churning and knotted with anxiety, unwelcome suicidal thoughts popping into my head hourly. I've come to the conclusion, I hate my job. I read a meme that…

At a Loss

Do I love you or do I love the idea of love? Do I want you or do I want someone? Do I miss you or am I lonely? Do I like you or do I like that you like me? Am I grateful you listen or am I grateful I have spoken? Do I…

Tense

One of the reasons I don't get on with goals too well is that I become so preoccupied with the outcome, I take very few steps towards achieving the goal. I'm more concerned with fantasising about the goal and planning the goal, I rarely get round to the doing. The trick I've found is to…

Existence 

I cannot thrive in a world where I'm pressured to be continually grateful. Grateful because by chance I was born? Grateful because one day I will at random cease to exist? I ought to be grateful that this supposed gift of life was thrust upon me along with billions of others who live in varying…

Procrastination

More often than not we're told we need security, stability in order to be deemed successful, in order to build a pot of money and have somewhere to live that 'belongs' to us. But at what cost? I read this recently, Katherine Whitehorn who is a journalist for The Observer. "The best careers advice to…

Plain Words

To speak some plain words about sadness or love, must I be raw and consumed by it? To utter of grief or of hate or missed chance, must I be openly defeated by it? To dream of deep passion, of joy and of awe, must I commit and be defined by it? Too long it…

Sticking to Things

As one self-admitted procrastinator, I've had it in my head now (35) since I was at least 15 that I ought to write a book. Topic/subject -unknown. Just an outpouring, I suppose. I tried writing a diary, got fed up with that pretty sharpish...well, that's a bit of a lie, I wrote one for ages…