More often than not we’re told we need security, stability in order to be deemed successful, in order to build a pot of money and have somewhere to live that ‘belongs’ to us. But at what cost? I read this recently, Katherine Whitehorn who is a journalist for The Observer. “The best careers advice to give to the young is, find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.”

People are full of great advice but there seems to be no definitive guide on how to achieve these things. It all seems so simple when condensed into a witty quip on the internet. Ultimately, you’ve got to figure this shit out on your own and then take the necessary action. One of my own issues is that I’m a procrastinator. I love coming up with ideas and plans and schemes but I’ve never really seen anything through to fruition. I’ve had more than a couple of embarrassing failures actually, I won’t go into those but let’s just say I’ve learned how not to go about things.

I’m not proud, I know I need help. I need a partner, a do-er, someone who takes action and isn’t all daydreams and, “wouldn’t it be great if?”.

I’ve got so many ideas floating around in my head, things I’d like to accomplish. I’d like to do all of them. One is writing a book. At least now I’ve started a blog. It’s such an easy simple thing to have done but for me, it’s a massive step. When my anxiety, coupled with my procrastination, plus my innate ability to self-sabotage come into play, it’s rare I get anything started. It’s a bloody miracle I’ve started this blog to be honest. I’ll have to see how it all pans out, how long I continue with it. I haven’t really told anyone I’m doing it, I’m doing it for myself, I’m enjoying it, I don’t feel the necessity to ask other people to validate it.

One of the things I’m doing whilst writing this is re-reading it as I go, in order to gather my thoughts and spark new ones. Inevitably, I’m just getting the overwhelming urge to re-write everything. Procrastinate. I would rather this be pure and raw and from the heart. If I keep going back and fannying about with it as I go, it’s not going to help the creative process, it’s not going to help me explain anything and it’ll detract from the enjoyment I have writing it. I used to do this at art college. I would continually re-work and re-work until almost all of the original intention had disappeared. Then it’d be ruined. A pointless undertaking. Re-working it for others and not doing it for myself. I’m determined not to do that here. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is not pointless. I mean, it could be pointless but even then it isn’t. The sheer fact I’m enjoying the process means it’s not pointless as long as I remind myself to align my perception correctly and enjoy what I’m doing for the sake of doing it. No pressure, no greater goal. Just living in the moment. Being in the now as opposed to thinking about what may or may not come of it.




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